4 ‘trends’ cooler than this tacky unicorn bullshit

This month I received a grand total of 47 emails banging on about unicorns and quite frankly – I’ve had enough. Literally anything remotely colourful is being hailed as ‘unicorn inspired‘ and it’s anything but magical.

Don’t get me wrong, I fell for it first too. I’m even wearing a unicorn horn briefly in my first youtube video. However something tipped me over the edge yesterday… The lovely intern at work was talking to me about how her friends have job interviews lined up at local fast-fashion brand. It went a little something like this:

“There’s some weird interview prep, they ask you things like what’s your favourite emoji?”
“What’s your favourite emoji, in a professional interview?”
“Yeah, they’re looking for specific ones, including the unicorn.”

What? Who? WHY!?

Imagine going to an interview, psyching yourself up, looking professional and someone turning around and asking you what your favourite fucking emoji is. I’ve worked in digital marketing for 4 years and I’ve experienced my fair share of unnecessarily quirky bullshit in interviews – but this takes the cake.

But perhaps you like unicorns, you’re unconvinced by my bitter assault, maybe you’re the type of person who owns a mermaid blanket? Well pal, sit yourself down cause there’s so much in store for summer 2017 way beyond the unicorn trend…


Holographic everything
Don’t you dare let the unicorn trend absorb this shiny wonder. Holographic material is a thing of beauty. Shimmering metallic in low light, which turns into a stunning rainbow with the slightest peep of sunshine. Closely linked, I’m fed up of this trend being tarred with the same brush.

Used in small doses on your nails or accessories, holographic hints make you feel slightly more disco-ready on even the most drab days. I’ve also spotted Topshop stocking holographic raincoats this season, giving you an intense blast of disco ball magic! Go on, give it a try.


Reliving your mosher years
Don’t pretend like you never had an emo/mosher/goth phase. Don’t make me hunt down your old Myspace page!

This is the total opposite of unicorns, but how else are you supposed to style a choker? Go hard or go home I say! With skater culture being appropriated by Vogue and crazy coloured hair solidified as cool (rather than just teenage experimentation) now is a better time than ever to get back into your old emo ways. It’s possible that you’re already eyeing up this attire for festival season, but you may just see yourself in a biker jacket and band t-shirt sooner than you think. Even Primark are printing Slayer tops these days…

Not to mention, Paramore and Linkin Park are making a comeback. If we all try hard enough and start dressing in black again maybe, JUST MAYBE, My Chemical Romance will get the memo and reunite for the cause.


Ear buns
Maaaaate, you know what’s cute? Girls that wear their hair up in a way that makes them look like they have cute teddy-bear ears. Apparently this hair style is going to be all over the show during festival season, so remember you heard it here first! Whilst the half-bun (see also – man-bun) dominated last year, this year we’re channeling our inner Princess Leia (RIP).

These bad boys are also much less culturally inappropriate than their ‘space knot’ cousins, which are actually bantu knots for ignorant white people.


Solgans other than ‘I’d rather be a unicorn’
Why wear the unicorn slogan shirt, when you could make a really bold statement?

It’s the year of girl power revival and you could use this trend to spread a message of empowerment! After all, making a statement online can feel as if you’re shouting into the abyss of nothingness. It’s kind of like saying ‘I hate unicorns’ on your blog, but nobody listens to you. Making a statement online is hard.

Making a statement OFFLINE is piss-easy. You just need to get yourself down to Primark or Look Human to grab a slogan shirt! Oh and take a can of Pepsi with you, just in case!

I’m usually a ‘you do you‘ kinda girl, but I’ve had enough. Excuse my volatile outlook, I’m just really done with unicorns.

I’m just tired guys. I’m tired of try-hard tea rooms serving up dry cakes, which sell out just because they’ve slapped the word unicorn on them. I’m tired of gross mega-companies telling girls to unleash their inner unicorn, when their idea of diversity goes from white skinny girl to another white skinny girl with a bit of a tan.

This trend needs to burn.

24 thoughts on “4 ‘trends’ cooler than this tacky unicorn bullshit

  1. HAHA OMG! The poop emoji is my favourite! Can i use that in a professional interview?

    I love this article! Waaaay too much glitter and unicorn going on this season! I dont mind a few unicorn based styles but glitter hair is just a bit too much!

    1. Omg can you IMAGINE saying that in an interview!?
      “Yeah I use the poop and aubergine emoji a lot, especially when talking about your brand.”

      Oh gosh, I have to confess I do quite like the glitter hair pic. I could never do it with mine though. My hair is waaaay too thick. The glitter would never come out!

    1. Eyyyy yes Rhian! That’s what I like to here. Nout wrong with a bit of emo styling haha!

  2. LOL! I love your brutal honesty and I couldn’t agree more. I’m definitely a huge fan of the holographic trend.

  3. I have to admit the unicorn trend is getting a bit out of hand. I really can’t imagine going to an interview and being asked what my favorite emoji is…I think I would just stare at the interviewer in disbelief. Of your four trends featured, I would have to say I would love to see the halographic trend take off. I’m not too sure about the ear buns or the goth/emo ones.

  4. This made me laugh so much, I agree with you – it’s one of those things that start of really cute and inspiring and then the market was just flooded with unicorn designs and you just get sick to death of seeing them everywhere! I am kind of into unicorns though but I think that love might finally be over (I’ve noticed the my little pony range seems to be growing now too!)

  5. Got to admit you haven’t put me off unicions! Although asking about emojis and wanting you to answer ‘unicorn’ in a job interview is a bit weird. What would it say about me if I like the big smiley face best?

  6. Your bit about the interview did make me giggle a bit. Thank goodness I’m not looking for a job I think I’d laugh at them if they asked me my favourite emoji and ask if they were being serious!

  7. I do love a unicorn, but then I have loved them for about 30 years, before it became trendy.
    Those ear buns are really cute though.

  8. Whoaaa your unicorns! We still bloomin love them. Can’t get enough of all the rainbow, frappochino poop. Might have to do with the fact that I’m only four though šŸ˜‰

  9. Haha I love unicorns but and its a big but, I also love mermaids, holographics and many more. I like so many trends if it looks pretty but I am not one of those people to like something just because it is on trend. I love your humorous writing in this post it did make me laugh!

  10. Lol I would walk out of the interview if I was ever asked such crap. Can they get serious already?`Unleash your inner unicorn` really?!
    I am so glad you you your guns blazing on this and I’m with you, yea.
    I will get to rock ear buns and holographic everything when our summer comes up over here.

  11. It’s so true that people sometimes ask you the most odd questions at interviews. It’s such a lame way to find an appropriate person for the job. It’s almost like playing a lotto really.
    I’m not a fan of unicorns myself, so I can feel your pain šŸ˜‰

  12. this made me laugh out loud. You’re right, what’s with labelling EVERYTHING unicorn at the moment?!!! It’s a little sinister too I find – but maybe that’s because i’m a grump old cow!

  13. I like the off unicorn as much as the next sane person, however this has started to get on my pip too!! It is constant and quite annoying.
    I have been rocking holographic nails in the past couple of months but am now bored of them! xx

  14. I couldn’t agree more. Anything that appears to be colorful is tarnished as part of the “unicorn trend” and frankly it has to stop. I am an eternal emo, and fondly recall the MySpace era when my hair was cut in an emo/scene cut, and jet black. With Linkin Park being my favourite band, the emo era is one whose come back I am eager to see. x

  15. Hahahahhahaha I absolutely love this post. I don’t get it either. Personally I wouldn’t ‘rather be a unicorn’ The thing I despise most is the ‘unicorn’ hair trends and colours…

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