Like most people, I was shocked and appalled by what I saw people wearing to Parklife 2017. By people I mean grown men. Grown men wearing shorts with ghastly unshaven legs. Grown men walking topless through the street – practically naked – exposing their nipples for the world to see. What is becoming of young men, do they not know what attention they could attract by walking through the streets like this?
If you can’t tell by now, I’m being sarcastic.
Bras. Skivvies. Lovejugs. Intimates. Boob cups. A modern mystery to all women (and some men). Are they really essential? Will I ever find the right size? Why are they so expensive?
Well girls, that’s honestly the least of your worries once you’ve opened up the can of worms which is bralettes – or ‘fashion bras’. You know the ones I’m talking about. They’re often made of cheap lace, with thin straps and (let’s be honest,) they probably look much better than they feel.
Still unaware of what I’m talking about? Take a wander through Primark. You can now buy a cute lacey bra for as little as a fiver, but the question is are they safe to wear?
Choose a turtle neck. Choose cosiness. Choose covering your arms up. Choose a middle ground between casual and formal. Choose black. Choose red. Choose beige. Choose any colour you can get your hands on CAUSE THEY ALL LOOK GR8. Choose Primark basics. Choose a jumper that makes your boobs look mint. Choose to bin off chokers. Choose hiding a double chin when you laugh. Choose machine washable. Choose rolled up sleeves. Choose soft knit. Choose to ignore the rest of your wardrobe cause you’ve found your look and it’s cheap to keep up with… but why would you want to do a thing like that?
Last week I wore a different coloured turtle neck jumper every day of the week. I fucking love them and for a fiver a pop on the highstreet, honestly who can blame me?
This month I received a grand total of 47 emails banging on about unicorns and quite frankly – I’ve had enough. Literally anything remotely colourful is being hailed as ‘unicorn inspired‘ and it’s anything but magical.
Don’t get me wrong, I fell for it first too. I’m even wearing a unicorn horn briefly in my first youtube video. However something tipped me over the edge yesterday… The lovely intern at work was talking to me about how her friends have job interviews lined up at local fast-fashion brand. It went a little something like this:
I swear to god, you can’t wear distressed clothing in the company of anyone over the age of 25. The constant reminders, bad puns and unoriginal jokes get boring after the first five times. Alas, the world is full of simpletons so I thought I’d put together a little FAQ for us all to swerve the banal comments.