My last few monthly check ins have been pretty intense. In fact, my blog posts have been super intense in general this month, from saving people with Oxfam to cracking down on counterfeit fashion… I think it’s time to lighten to mood!
Writing this post made me realise what a total weirdo I am, so I hope you find some sort of comfort from this! Here’s a few of my most cringeworthy moments.
That time I looked for a job as an escort
I took myself extremely seriously in university. My journalism degree was my life and my projects were always ambitious. That said, 20-year-old me thought she’d tackle the nitty gritty of Blackpool’s sex industry for a feature.
I set up profiles on adult networking sites, even posed online to see what punters would throw at me. However, half way through my research my mac died!
Completely dead. Wouldn’t-switch-back-on kind of dead.
Rushing to complete my research, I dashed to the Apple Genius bar to squeeze in an emergency appointment. Thankfully they were able to fix my laptop with multiple repairs (God bless Apple care).
Unfortunately, this meant that once the lovely man at the Genius bar switched my mac back on (in a store full of people) all the tabs were still open. Hundreds of windows just full of escort websites and adult sex services.
My only reply was ‘Oh erm that’s just research I’m not looking for a job or anything’.
Mortifying scale: 10/10 will not visit Apple Arndale ever again
Accidentally throwing knickers around the office
I visit my boyfriend almost every Friday. I have a bag stuffed with spare clothing so that I can travel straight to his house after work.
When I was getting ready to leave at the end of the day I placed my bag on my desk and patted my pockets to ensure I had picked up my pen drive.
It was missing so I popped to the break room to see if I could find it. Whilst I was away, my bag toppled over on the desk and my spare underwear fell out of the bag.
Now I must also state, when this happened I’d only recently joined a new office. So there was plenty of people who didn’t even know me. Early enough for me to probably become known as ‘the one with the frilly knickers’. But let’s hope that didn’t happen.
I walked back from the break area to see my underwear just hanging out on the floor by my chair. Great!
I phoned my boyfriend on the way home to tell him what happened – he nearly broke down with laughter. The worst thing was that I actually did have the pen drive in my pocket the whole time.
Mortifying scale: Only 8/10 because to be fair at least they weren’t exactly granny knickers.
Dressing professional with bright yellow leggings
I used to study at Salford University’s Media City Campus. It’s a bit posh and since we were surrounded by prospective employers, we had to act accordingly. It was advised that you were to dress relatively smart.
So you’re at uni, you’re discovering yourself, you want to dress a bit differently; naturally you buy bright yellow leggings from Primark and turn your legs into a pitiful pair of bananas.
Why I thought this was appropriate for Media City, I will never know!
Mortifying scale: 4/10 because I think I’ve burned all the photographic evidence. All I have left is the mental scarring.
Locking myself out whilst filming cribs
In my first year of university I lived in quite scruffy, high-rise student accommodation. My flatmate and I made the most of it, filming fake ‘Cribz’ videos and student cooking shows whilst making Angel Delight. I guess you had to be there…
Anyway, I managed to get hold of the super expensive camera equipment at uni. Naturally we decided to recreate an episode of Cribz in our tiny student halls. What else would you do with a pricey camera and tight deadlines?
When it came time for me to ‘present’, my flatmate Alice couldn’t quite turn the camera on. We were filming the scene where the celebs open the door and say ‘Hey MTV! Welcome to my crib!’ but the camera light wasn’t on.
I stepped out into the corridor, to see what was going on and the autolock door shut behind me. I lived in Salford, of course I had an auto lock door!
My flatmate didn’t have her key card. I didn’t have mine. The camera actually turned on just as the door closed behind me – on the right is a screenshot from when I realised what had happened to us and fell down the wall laughing.
I had to go down stairs (9 floors) with no shoes on in search of the security guard to let us back in the flat. He told us we shouldn’t have been filming without a licence. It was all rather awkward.
Mortifying scale: 6/10 but it makes a good story.
When I broke my vegetarianism and threw up during a meeting
I love McDonald’s breakfast meals. They are my main vice. Egg & cheese bagel, hashbrown and a latte with no sugar – if you’re ever buying!
However, one morning the kitchen staff got my order wrong. I didn’t notice and happily took a bite out of my bagel. Big mistake – I had sausage in my mouth before I even realised and the smell instantly made me sick.
I have meat cravings all the time, so maybe it was the shock of it all rather than the meat. The SEO team were gathering for the morning huddle and I was still trying to calm myself down from having actual meat in my mouth after almost 10 years. The smell was the worst bit. Sniff your McDonalds breakfast next time you get one – grim.
Needless to say I went to the meeting with the whole team and my stomach was doing loops! My manager was just about to say something about the work I did and I had to bail to be sick. It probably looked like I was just getting totally emotional about whatever he said about my work, but really I was hurling my breakfast back up in the loos. Classy.
10/10 because that morning was a sheer roller coaster of emotions.
I do hope you found some amusement in this post. I think it’s always important to be able to look back and laugh at yourself. If I continued to take myself as seriously as I did in university I would have burnt out long before now.
If you’re starting to nit-pick at life, take a moment to relive those moments of total cringe. It makes you feel so much more human again.
After all, yours can’t be as bad as mine – can they?