5 Ways to Be Your Own Valentine

Have you ever heard the quote ‘you can’t expect someone to love you, until you love yourself‘. Yeah? Don’t worry, I vommed in my mouth when I heard it too. I hate to say it, but there’s some truth in this quote. When I look around at my girl friends, the ones absolutely killing it seem to be the girls who have a strong sense of self respect; they look after themselves, know their own limits and make ‘me time’ a priority.

We constantly talk about how important it is to look after ourselves, but little do we put it into practice. In fact, if/when we do, we rely heavily on others to pick us back up. You might rant on social media and feel better as virtual friends come to your aid or surround yourself with IRL friends to avoid thinking about your issues – whichever you choose will only ever be a temporary fix.

I don’t want to do the cliche blogger thing where young girls think that taking a bath and eating chocolate will cure depression, but I wanted to put together another selfcare post in the run up to Valentine’s Day. Rarely do I see couples celebrating this out dated tradition, so why not put the focus on yourself this February 14th? I really hope you find these tips useful. If not, please make your own suggestions in the comment section.

Without further ado, here’s 5 ways to be your own Valentine, your own cheerleader and your own best self.

Make a moodboard
Some people call them vision boards and pin up things they want to achieve, others make memory boards to remember the good times. Personally I made a mix between the two!

Crafting can be really therapeutic, but the act of focusing on positive goals is the main thing here. In bleak times it can be very hard to see through the fog and work towards long-term goals. You’re just trying to make it through the day. Putting your goals on a board is a low pressure way to keep them on your mind without feeling as if every bad day is a step further away from achieving them.

Learn about someone else’s struggle

I hate it when anyone compares your own issues to someone else’s. E.G – you can’t be sad about X because of the war in Syria. Ok, that’s a wild example, but I’m sure you understand where I’m coming from? For some reason, many people respond to negative vibes by making them seem less legitimate.

However, you can draw strength from hearing how someone overcame a struggle similar to your own. When you’re ready, hit up the iTunes podcast store get ready to learn. Whilst you may not think this would be empowering hearing someone talk about overcoming debt, addiction, prejudice – it makes you believe that you can do it too.

Switch off your phone
In June I accidentally quit Instagram. I feel out of my rhythm and stopped posting. Did I miss it? No.

Switching off your phone and avoiding social media is something we should all do regularly.Even if you rely on social media for a living, you can schedule everything in tweetdeck and buffer these days. As mentioned before, even if you seek validation and advice online, it’s only ever a temporary fix.

Sometimes drowning out the noise gives us the focus we need to complete tasks that have been building up. Got an essay that’s stressing you out or an email you really don’t want to send? Stop getting distracted by your phone, switch it off and the words will come you to much easily.

Write your affirmations down

‘But I’m supposed to say them out loud’ I hear you cry! Yes, you are, but look how pretty they look around your mirror. (Mines personal so I found a pretty stock for ya!)

Let’s be honest, not everyone has time to say ‘I am a strong independent women‘ 25 times in the morning. In that case, pick up up a couple of post-it notes whilst you’re getting ready, say them loud, say them proud and embrace every word around your mirror.

Mix it up every morning and you’ll notice that even when you just take a quick glance before you leave your room, you’ll take on all the positive vibes from your morning mantra mirror.

Be alone for a moment
The intern at work cannot fathom why you would ever choose to be alone. I told her she should go to the cinema on her own some time and she assumed I was taking the piss out of her.

Call me an introvert, but nothing charges my batteries like being alone. Having a lie in, making myself breakfast, taking the day at my own pace; I find it weird that people wouldn’t enjoy this. Whilst being alone in your own thoughts might be terrifying for some, with practice, you can master the art of being alone without feeling lonely.

You can occupy your mind with just about anything, because it’s your time. Your time to be on your own and do whatever you want. Go walking or stay indoors, get up early and hit the shops before the rush or stay in and watch Netflix shows that your friends don’t like the look of. Having just one or two days to be on your own is healthy for your soul. Trust me on this one.

Of course, you could ignore all my points and wait til February 15th to buy all the discounted Lint chocolate. That would probably work too (but remember, temporary fix)!

If you have any more suggestions for being your own Valentine, why not share them below.

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  1. Lynne Harper
    February 8, 2017 / 1:59 pm

    I really love the quote you have given and it’s very true. Love the ideas you have listed as well and I’m going to try and implement some of these in my own life 🙂 thank you x

  2. February 8, 2017 / 4:48 pm

    What a great idea! I love being alone too, so I’ll definitely be taking some time to just enjoy the time on my own x

    • Jess - Actual Philocalist
      February 9, 2017 / 9:03 am

      Oh my gosh it’s so nice to hear someone else saying they love being alone.
      I was trying to explain it to the girls at work and they were just like whaaaat?

  3. February 8, 2017 / 7:28 pm

    While having others in our lives to love and care for us is fantastic, the bottom line is we need to love and care for ourselves first and foremost. To do so we must be comfortable spending time with ourselves in our own company.

  4. February 8, 2017 / 7:28 pm

    I’m a huge fan of affirmations! They truly do help and leave you feeling empowered.

  5. February 8, 2017 / 7:45 pm

    I’m so terrible at any of these things. It always seems like to much effort to make a mood board or write down my affirmations! I’d take a solo cinema trip or cafe visit though. Those sound more fun.

    • Jess - Actual Philocalist
      February 9, 2017 / 9:01 am

      I used to be exactly the same! I couldn’t be arsed with selfcare books and whatnot. I guess you just have to find what’s right for you! Solo cafe visits are the best!

  6. February 8, 2017 / 8:15 pm

    I think that writing affirmations is such a sweet idea and is something that we should all try out, plus turning off your phone is a good idea x

  7. February 8, 2017 / 9:25 pm

    This is very inspirational stuff. Especially for those who haven’t been alone for awhile – I’ll definitely keep these in mind. Thank you.

  8. Hannah Latoya
    February 8, 2017 / 10:49 pm

    Some great tips here, i’m one of those people who love their own company. I can’t stand valentines day x

  9. February 9, 2017 / 3:33 am

    I agree with you. We always need some time to be alone and be with our own selves for a while. This is a way to reconnect with ourselves. Taking out of the social media is also good for us. I call it Disconnect to Reconnect.

  10. February 9, 2017 / 9:33 am

    I totally agree with this, I love doing things by myself as sometimes you need to just enjoy your own company. I have no issue with going to the cinema or theatre on my own x

  11. February 9, 2017 / 11:49 am

    I am so pleased to hear of other people who understand the positives in doing things by yourself. I return from a visit to a museum or art gallery in a positive frame of mind which would not be the case if I had dragged an uninterested companion around with me.

  12. Dannii
    February 9, 2017 / 1:35 pm

    I definitely don’t think that Valentine’s Day is just for couples. It’s about showing self love and showing some love to all the people in your life.

  13. February 9, 2017 / 3:46 pm

    I choo choose you <3

    • Jess - Actual Philocalist
      February 19, 2017 / 2:37 pm


  14. February 9, 2017 / 7:06 pm

    Great post, I love having alone time. Nothing better than a hot bath and a good book when I have the house to myself. Jo x

  15. February 9, 2017 / 8:52 pm

    I need more me time I feel like I’m either mum or the girlfriend. I love the idea of affirmations around the mirror x

  16. February 10, 2017 / 12:30 pm

    I know Valentine’s Day is supposed to be just for couples but I like to be different. I have invited my friends over for dinner before as I love my friends too!!!!! I must try adding more me time into my daily life though.

  17. February 10, 2017 / 1:30 pm

    I have an husband, but he always works on valentines, so we don’t bother celebrating. So when he’s at work I normally watch a film with the kid,or by myself while they play in their rooms with a nice tub of Ben and Jerry’s

  18. February 10, 2017 / 8:37 pm

    I know a few people who do galentines where all the girls get together and watch movies and have a pamper night. I don’t love the name but the idea is great x

  19. February 11, 2017 / 2:24 am

    Being your own Valentine is a great, I think it would be ideal to just take some me time and pamper yourself xxx

  20. Angela Key Milnes
    February 11, 2017 / 5:32 pm

    I really love this tips and ideas! I want to treat and pamper myself, My hubby was not a kind of sweet I don’t expect anything from him.