I do love this Dorothy Perkins dress, but it’s not really me is it? I don’t even wear dresses! I wear jeans. Every damn day. Topshop Joni super high-waisted, the perfect height for hiding my fupa. But I’m not allowed to admit that because I’m desperately trying to be more body-posi.
I felt like a complete phoney looking back at this shoot. It’s not me, it’s an act of what I assume bloggers should be so that I can finally feel like one of the gang. Do you ever feel like that? Perhaps not only with blogging, but IRL too. There’s something that sticks with us long after we’ve left our teens and that’s the need to ‘fit in’. Whether it’s the blogosphere, the workplace or even in a new friendship group – feeling like an outsider sucks.
But you know what the secret is? Everyone feels like and outsider on the inside.
I don’t know anyone who is 100% confident in any situation. The cliche ‘fake it til you make it’ attitude is actually how most of us get by in life. Ask an adult and they’ll tell you that they make it up as they go along. However, knowing that everyone feels like this still hasn’t exactly helped me get over my impostor syndrome.
Despite running Philocalist for 2 years and blogging on other sites since the age of 15, I don’t ‘feel like a blogger’ and I certainly don’t feel like I fit in. I have this lingering complex from when I organised my last shambles blogger event. A little niggle that tells me ‘this isn’t your crowd’.
At the risk of repeating myself from previous posts, I believe you make your own opportunities. I’m the type of gal who says you can literally be anything you want – including a blogger – if you graft for it. Working hard on blog content and perfecting your craft is something that overtime we could all do, but trying to assimilate into the blogging community is much, much harder. I’ve got to the point where I’ve realised there’s only so much you can do to muscle your way into a community before you realise the doors are closed for someone like you.
I can’t afford brunch 3 times a week to post on instagram, so instead I’ll mock tweet about having marmite on toast for tea and nutella on toast for pudding (#StayPoorStayHumble). I’m not an aspirational blogger for readers, nor am I a person to be seen with for fellow bloggers.
I’m an impostor. A boring girl in blogger clothing.
Being a real blogger isn’t on the cards for me, but I’m almost at peace with it. As long as I can still write & create content that I actually enjoy making. If you’ve made it to this part of the blog post, please know that I’d trade 1000 followers for you. Someone who actually reads my shit. I’m not here to be top blogger, but maybe I’ll stick around just incase someone read through this and though ‘well shit, I’m living off toast for dinner too!’